It takes a village. It’s one of those generic, overused truisms that frankly, well, is just so true. Whatever your right now looks like – for me, it’s balancing young kids, marriage, entrepreneurship, dad having knee surgery, having a semblance of a social life – could you imagine doing it alone?
Or worse… are you presently doing it alone? Oh I so so hope not.
Asking for help, for support, is one of those things “they” say women – and especially Gen Ex women – tend not to excel at. But – and I don’t mean to brag here – I personally consider myself amazing at asking for help; I do it nearly every damn day, without shame or hesitation.
So what’s my secret? The source of my magic power?
Why it’s my village! My peeps, my posse, my boys and girls. Some hang with me because they seem charmed by my wiles; others because I pay them (hey – you gotta know when you need a pro).
Being a midlife Gen-Xer, I’ve got a lot of balls in the air.
“They” also say you’re as good as the people you surround yourself with – and that’s another truism I buy. I keep quality people around me, but I’m also thoughtful and intentional about who I need in my life at any one time. I keep a running list of critical avatars and ensure my slots are always filled. Do you do the same?
Here’s a rundown of what I consider to be my own essentials right now (beyond family which I consider to be assumed).
Historians: These are the few but mighty girlfriends who know me from the early days. They keep me grounded. We share a deep history that’s priceless. Being around them keeps me (feeling!) young and connected to my whole self.
Self Care Givers: Aging ain’t for the week. At present, my hair colorist, my chiropractor, and my therapists (physical and emotional!) are always on speed dial.
Smarties: Some friends I keep around because they push my thinking in ways that keep me challenged and on my toes. Never a dull moment.
Partners/Colleagues: In my line of work there are myriad moments requiring collaboration – thought partnership, labor sharing, whatever it might be. And whenever possible, I do my collabs with people I just enjoy spending time with. Some think like me, others not at all – but we work in a way that lifts us both up.
My brother: Yes, he’s family. But he deserves his own special Gen X callout as he and I share the worrying over our parents who KNOCK WOOD are hanging tough… and yet aren’t getting any younger. And you just never know…
Parents of kids’ friends: Every mom will resonate here. I always keep close to my heart the phone numbers of parents who kids are in the same class, on the same team, in the same Scout troop…. You know. Because you never know when a carpool will save your damn life.
Drinking buddies: Yes it may be a cocktail, but often it’s a strong English Breakfast. It’s not about booze (and I never make light of what that might mean for some) – but it is about just having people around you who are easy to be with. You can talk about anything or nothing – People mag headlines, gossip, the stuff that’s the social equivalent of watching Netflix. This is how we defrag at the end of a long day.
Ultimately I’ve got others around me – but the above represents the essentials. If I’ve got all of those avatars covered, then I know I’ll be supported – emotionally, physically, professionally, and logistically.
This is what my village looks like.
Have you taken stock of yours lately? Who do you lean on? Who are you missing? And how would your life look different if all of your avatars were there for you on a moments’ notice?